


Reflections

by Angelle_wings



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 18:43:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12238551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelle_wings/pseuds/Angelle_wings
Summary: 'But despite your kind yet strong words, your eyes reflected the opposite.'





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> A fic meant for the tales of zine- i decided myself not to not post it until the end of september since the zine is on hiatus and so here it is- it is after all October. How confident am I with posting it now? I can't say but its months old work so it may not be as good as my new ones (maybe?) I don't remember much when writing this either- for some reason it feels blank so I don't have any idea what I wanted to add to this.
> 
> I hope you enjoy- its a bit different than the usual elle fics I write but I still hope you enjoy it!

“Hey, don’t look so sad.” Your voice was soft that day. “You’ll see me again. The real me.”

But despite your kind yet strong words, your eyes reflected the opposite.  It was screaming frantically searching for any thread of hope. But I avoided your gaze. I avoided the truth. You were but a child. An unselfish kid who gave their life to grant my selfish wishes of living. I could still remember that day vividly as you fought the pain as you uttered your final words, “Goodbye Ludger.”

I couldn’t say goodbye.  That was the day you walked away from my life. The minute you said goodbye, you ceased to exist in my world and my wishes can only turn to reality. It was all due to my selfish desires.

____

It had been a couple of months since she had left me and I had grown adapted to this regular life. Waking up to go to work and back home- it was mundane, yet it was what I wanted, I suppose. I grew immune to the busy, bustling city which surrounded me as I dragged my feet to work. The regular shouting merchants, businessmen loudly chattering on phones, gossips and whispers around you. It was all the same.  Except when a high-pitched voice touched my ear, I was no longer immune. Without a thought, I found myself turning my head to search for it but as I met the owner of the voice only disappointment settled inside of me. It was a young girl with ebony black hair holding on to her father’s hands.  It was as if I was expecting someone but I knew, what I was seeking was a faded voice- a voice of a young girl with golden hair but instead she wasn’t here. Not yet anyways. I had to wait. Yet knowing that, I found my eyes glued at the black haired girl as she skipped ahead of her father tugging him forward. She turned to gesture at a shop, and her father just lets out a hearty laugh.

 Just a little more. I needed to wait.

And there were times I would pass by a dark alley. There would lay a stray cat with patches of black on his dirty white fur. But as I approached them their eyes would widen, and I would hear a hiss before they would run away from me. If only she were here, I knew if she were she would surely pet them herself. Probably guiding them to her created kingdom of cats where Rollo would be their cat king ruling over them.  But right now the cat blended with the shadows in the alley and hidden far away from me as if it heard the true story of this gone child.

But it didn’t matter because I knew: I need to wait to meet her once more.

There would be days where I would come home to cook; my hands twirled in its way as the pan roared dancing to the flames of the stove and the meat would prance about the pan to the melody of the fire. And by the time it was cooked, I came to carry out two plates and call her name.

But only silence responded to my call.

Instead I sat down and tasted it. The curry wasn't spicy. It was Elle-styled just the way she loves it. But the one who loved it wasn’t with me. Not yet. She would surely come back and eat with me one day.

There were times when it became troubling I found myself sat on a swing glaring at the glimmering full moon remembering a promise I have once created on a night like this. A promise which bounded my fate to hers. I remembered the warm yet small pinkie which wrapped itself around my own and the bright smile that accompanied it- if only I knew that the promise lead to such an outcome I wonder what I could have done to change it. But the past was the past. And now I had to wait until our paths cross once more.

I needed to wait a little more.

Every now and then the rain would tap against my window accompanied the soft pitter-patter the lightning crackled in the heathen- black sky. I would pause and remember a little girl. One who may look fearless but upon hearing the sound of it, she would cover her ears and though she never asked for comfort, her heart screamed for it.

But when people found me staring out the window and asked what was wrong, I laughed and shook my head without telling them because I knew I just had to wait a little longer- just a little longer for the day she comes home.

The day I was anticipated for had come… A child in my arms with twinkling green eyes and a soft smile. It was you- as a newborn baby. Your laughter filled the room and your eyes a beautiful emerald green but no matter how much I gazed at this child. Even if it shared the same name as yours, they were not you. This child was merely a reflection in looks.

The Elle I knew, she was cheeky, she had an air of power, she puffed her cheeks and rolled her eyes. She was in love with cats and sharper than any kid I met. She was energetic and outgoing. But no the Elle in my arms was not the one I searched and not the one I waited for my whole life.

But I was a fool. A fool that had forced shut their eyes for so long. What I wanted was not a new life but what I wanted was something I lost- and I lost _you_.

I hated admitting it.  I searched for you everywhere in my life in every moment but now that I could see real ‘you’ smile in my embrace I knew that I made the biggest mistake in my life of letting you go. There was only one Elle I knew and loved.

Goodbye just means I will never see you again. And no matter how much I tried to lie to myself and replace you I wasn’t able to. I will never get back the Elle I knew that was my partner, that made that promise with me that night, the one who had courage and spoke her mind, impatiently kicked her legs under the table waiting for the Elle-style curry to be done and constantly surprised me with her witty comebacks. And now, my imaginary dreams of wishing to meet you once more dissolved and it was then I had realized her final goodbye was truly a goodbye.

If only I could turn back the hand of time to meet you once more, I would. I truly would.


End file.
